Personal Values: How Identifying Them Can Bring Even More Happiness

You might be familiar with the concept of personal core values. These are the things we hold most important in our lives—ideally, we choose behaviors and make plans based on what we love and want for ourselves and others. Living in accordance with our personal core values helps us live lives we enjoy. 

On the other hand, when our actions are out of alignment with our values, we’re more likely to be unhappy. A lack of alignment might look like:

• Valuing community but feeling isolated,
• Valuing wisdom and quiet reflection while our days feel chaotic or shallow, or
• Valuing health but rarely finding time to prioritize our own wellness.

We might even feel dissatisfied with life in general, without being able to pinpoint exactly why.

Our world moves fast. It can be overwhelming and, at times, downright scary. 

We spend a lot of time connected… To the internet, to advertisements, messaging, and to each other—for better or worse.

And it’s easy to lose track of time. Days pass, whether or not we’re intentional about how we spend them. 

In order to live in alignment with our personal core values, we need to know what they are. When we don’t, we leave a gap in what’s important to us. 

That gap can wind up filled by voices that aren’t our own…

And that can be tricky.

Why Core Values and Comparison Culture Don’t Mix

If you often find yourself comparing your life to others’, don’t worry—it’s totally normal! 

In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger introduced social comparison theory, or the idea that all of us assess our own worth by comparing ourselves to other people.1 

It makes sense! Humans are social creatures. We’ve created our world and all of its rules and standards together. 

In moderation, comparison can be helpful. Seeing others’ accomplishments or lifestyles can help us identify our own wants and set goals for the future.

It’s when we sail past “moderation,” though, that we can struggle.

Spending too much time on comparison can have the opposite effect—we can wind up feeling excessively down on ourselves and stripped of motivation.

Our ability to compare has grown exponentially with the technological advances that now keep us connected to each other 24/7. Our social networks have never been quite so large or long-term; social media websites alone mean we can easily stay in touch with peers we barely knew in grade school. In fact, it’s become the norm.

Offline, we’ve always had opportunities to compare ourselves to the people around us. In academics, sports, the performing arts… In a lot of cases, we’re not only asked to compare, but to compete. Even with friends or loved ones! 

And this comparison tends to go in one direction, doesn’t it? After all, when was the last time you felt compared to someone doing “worse” than you? Most of the time, when we compare ourselves to others—or hear our loved ones do it for us—we’re being held up against people who are seen as more successful or more advanced than we are. Not less. 

This doesn’t feel good! And it can begin to genuinely impact our confidence in our abilities and even our sense of self-worth.

In the vast majority of cases, advice, judgment, or comparison is filtered through the lens of the person giving it. (How often do we hear, “If I were you, I would…”?) 

It’s nearly impossible to separate what others say or recommend from their personal internal belief system—their values and what’s important to them.

And when we’re bombarded with so much encouragement to play the comparison game, our own wants and needs can start to seem muddy. Before we know it, we wind up totally out of alignment with our personal core values.

Identifying Personal Core Values Might Be the Fix

So we’ve established that we live in a fast-paced world with innumerable options, ‘round-the-clock social connection, and endless encouragement to compare ourselves to others. 

…Yikes.

But identifying personal core values might just be the way through the mess! It can help you clarify priorities, set goals and boundaries for healthy living, and determine how aligned you are with your overall goals at any given point.

If we know what’s really, truly important to us, we’ll have an easier time navigating the barrage of conflicting advice and expectations we may receive from family, friends, and the media at large. 

And thanks to authors like Brene Brown who have worked to popularize these ideas, exercises for identifying your personal core values abound!

Below are two you might find useful. And whichever you choose, make sure you keep a record of the results somewhere that’s always visible or at least easy to access—on the bulletin board above your desk or a note on your phone.

Revisit these exercises as often as you feel necessary—maybe every couple of years. Your values can shift and change with time and circumstances.

Core Values Exercise #1: Value Groups

This first exercise is a great one if you:

1. a) like lists, and 
2. b) like crossing things off of lists.

(Really. You’ll have fun with this!)

First, print the personal core values list at the end of this blog. You also have the option of adding additional values, if the ones you have in mind are missing.

Next, you’ll circle all of the values on the list that are important to you. There are no limits, here—circle any that resonate.

Once you’ve selected from that list, you’ll want to grab a separate sheet of paper. Create three to five groups of similar values. For example, maybe you’ve circled both “adventure” and “nature”—and as an avid hiker, you feel like these go together. 

Assign all of the values you’ve circled to a single group. Keep yourself to no more than five groups. 

Finally, examine your groups and choose one value in each that stands out to you. Ideally, this word will encompass the others in its group fairly well. 

You’ll wind up with five primary words. These are your personal core values, or the things most important to you.

Core Values Exercise #2: Index Cards

A more tactile alternative to the above activity uses index cards to identify your personal core values.

Using the list below, select 15-20 values words that resonate with you. Write each one on a separate index card.

Take a moment to lay them out before you and sit with them. Read them over, think about their meaning, and really let them marinate in your mind.

Next, ask yourself: if you had to remove five of them, which would they be? Which five cards hold values that seem less important to you than the others? Pick them up, and set them aside.

Do this again. Select another five cards that seem less important than the others. Set them aside, as well. 

Do this until you have about five cards left. These are your top five personal core values. 

From here, if you desire, you can set aside two cards, then one, and then one more until you’re left with your number-one value.

Get In Where You Fit In

Identifying your values doesn’t mean you’ll immediately find clarity in every corner of your life. Learning to embody your values and identify behavior patterns you’d like to leave behind is a process to engage in continually.

What naming your values does mean, though, is that you’ll have a framework for making decisions as you move forward. You’ll have something to keep in mind as you take the steps toward prioritizing your time and energy, and constructing the boundaries to protect them. 

Maybe your family has strong cultural beliefs surrounding career choices or professional endeavors, for example. Sometimes you feel you just don’t measure up. Or maybe you do measure up, but you’re burnt out and not enjoying yourself.

Having clearly-defined personal core values lets you take a deep, confident breath when you start to get overwhelmed. If your top value is “adventure,” and you feel confined to an office every day, start reevaluating your time. How can you bring that value into the forefront of your life in a way that makes sense for you?

Values can also help us navigate a confusing world. Maybe you feel strongly about a social issue but aren’t sure how to contribute to the cause. 

But you find that your top value is “wisdom,” and you feel like you have some to share. Maybe running for office isn’t up your alley—but writing an op-ed for your local newspaper or creating social media content to spread awareness is. 

So in the words of the lovely singer-songwriter India Arie, identifying your own personal values can help you both “get in where you fit in” and “go on and shine.” 

What’s not to love??

List of Personal Core Values

You can start by using this personal core values list to complete the activities above. Feel free to add anything that isn’t already listed!